Friday, November 25, 2016

Trump mourns "Partridge Family" Matriarch Florence Henderson

President-elect Donald Trump today expressed the grief of the nation, one day after beloved actress Florence Henderson passed away. Unsuccessfully fighting back tears, Mr. Trump rambled on for 35 minutes, mostly about the rivalry between Danny Partridge and Reuben Kincaid.

Mr. Trump's Senior Counselor designate, Stephen "Steve" Bannon, briefly pulled Mr. Trump away from the podium and whispered in his ear. A visibly relieved Trump resumed his remarks, saying "Oh, thank God! Not Mrs. Partridge! I didn't like the Mom on 'My Three Sons' anyway. Never mind!"