The White House announced today that, in addition to the previously-announced Gulf of America, many more geographic names are slated to change. A preliminary list includes the following:
New Mexico: New And Improved Mexico.
Rio Grande: Half-caf/half-decaf Rio Venti.
Arkansas: Still Arkansas, but now pronounced Are-Kansas.
Rhode Island: Rhode. Just Rhode. It's not an island, people! Have you looked at a map?!
Niagra Falls: Viagra Falls. This was unexplained, but a White House insider who declined to be named said it was the President's personal decision. Winking and making a finger-guns gesture, the source concluded with "'Nuff said."
Virginia and West Virginia, North and South Carolina, and North and South Dakota will be combined to become, respectively, Virginia, Carolina, and Dogpatch. The electoral consequences of this made Democratic campaign strategists' eyes grow as big as saucers. The White House, when asked to comment about this aspect of the change, said "That's not a worry, 'cause we never thought of that."
Finger Lakes: Wiener Lakes. Acknowledging that they don't especially look like wieners, the White House defended the change, saying they don't really look like fingers either.
In related news, all restaurants will now be renamed to McDonald's.
