Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Trump Proclaims “Yearning to Breathe Free” Now a Crime

President Trump, in executive order number 13842, entitled “Immigrant Deportation Is OK, Totally!” today declared that henceforth, it will be illegal to yearn to breathe free.

The order (known informally as “I.D.I.O.T.”) applies not only to huddled masses, but also to tired, poor, wretched refuse, homeless, tempest-tost [sic], Muslims, and Latin Americans.

Caucasians, unless registered as Democrats, are encouraged to yearn as much as they want, to breathe as free as free can be.

Two former presidents, who wish to remain anonymous, said “In retrospect, perhaps relying so heavily on executive orders set a poor precedent. As Professor Chris Edelson has written...” (frankly, this reporter nodded off and missed the rest of that quote), and “S***, dog, I told y'all about the evil triplet isms.”

Senator Charles Schumer responded to the order by saying “Here in Congress, our hands are tied. What would you have us do? Pass a law? Don’t be ridiculous!”


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